Caller: "Can I give anything at home to kill my cat? I don't want to drive all the way in to your clinic."
Technician: "I REALLY wouldn't recommend that -- it's not humane. If your kitty is sick, bring him/her in and we'll help you decide what's best."
Caller: "Can't I just overdose him on something?"
Technician: "Absolutely not."
Caller: "I just found a (wild) snake in my driveway. Should I run over it with my car to put it out of its misery?"
Technician: "Is it injured?"
Caller: "No, but I think it's suffering."
Technician: "I really wouldn't recommend that -- if you think the snake is suffering, bring it in and we can evaluate it. Typically, it's best to let wild animals be, however, if it's injured and you're concerned, bring it in and we can either treat or euthanize."
Caller hung up, and called us back 4 minutes later to berate the technician for "making her feel bad."
Caller: "Hi, my cat has the swine flu and I need some medications, but I can't afford to pay anything."
Technician: "Unfortunately, we don't do payment plans, but we can offer Care Credit... what exactly is your kitty doing?
Caller: "HOW CAN YOU NOT HELP ME!!??? WHERE DOES MY TAX MONEY GO?!?!"
Technician: "I'm sorry, sir, but we aren't government funded and receive zero tax dollars, just like the grocery store -- we're a private business. There's no public funding for pet health care. We would like to help your kitty, so if you come by, we can provide a triage exam and go from there. We'll do our best to find an affordable plan for you.
Caller: "That's BULLSHIT and you know it. You steal my tax money. Don't lie to me" *Hangs up*
Caller: "My vet gave me some medication in syringes. You know, the type of medicine in syringes."
Technician: "Okay, so what is your question?"
Caller: "What should I do with it? It's the kind in syringes."
Technician: "Does it have a name of the medication on the label?"
Caller: "Well, it says my pet's name, and my name, and my phone number, and my doctor's name...."
Technician: "Ma'am, I need the name of the drug or there's no way I can help you. There are hundreds of medications that could be in a syringe, and guessing is not safe."
Caller: " I need directions to your location RIGHT NOW!"
Technician: "Okay, where are you coming from?"
Caller: "I don't know, I'm south of something."
Technician: "South of what city? South of what town? What highway are you on?"
Caller: " I have no idea, and also my car is broken down, so I need someone to come get me.... My dog is acting really weird."
Technician: "I'd really like to help you, but if you don't know where you are, I can't give you directions, and if you don't know where you are, how is someone going to pick you up ?? Our clinic is in <town name>, and if you figure out where you are, please call us back."